Thought I’d check around to see how many people were either drunk as toddlers or knew someone who was. Is there anyone out there? Please comment. I’d appreciate it. My sister, who wasn’t born at the time, told me most people get drunk as toddlers at holiday parties. True?

A Toddler Gets Drunk in Williston Park, New York

          So, what happens when a toddler gets drunk? I mean, really drunk.

I’m not sure of my age, but my Great Aunt Nettie Johnson had a Holiday party when I was just a tyke. An afternoon party, I think—lots of food and lots of booze. My Dad and new mom enjoyed themselves, with my Aunt Nettie, Uncle Albert, Grandmother, Grandfather, and others. Lots of others–all present and accounted for. Oh yes, and then there was me!
          While they were all talking about this, that, and the other thing, I enjoyed myself too. I sampled all the drinks in the room.  All of them. Had to make sure nobody poisoned the beverages, after all. No toddler would want that.

          I managed to bump into several relatives, throw-up, giggle, giggle, and giggle, if I remember correctly. As I wasn’t even two yet, I can only imagine what I looked or felt like. What I do know, my father, Uncle Albert, and several other relatives walked me up and down the street. Up and down—up and down. It seemed forever.   

          The neighbors stuck their heads out their windows or doorways. They giggled, too. Giggled and pointed. Being the friendly child, I was, I waved back—and giggled.

           I’ve never lived that down.